im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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