Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
