ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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