Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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