We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
