i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
