All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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