I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
