I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
