stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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