My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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