It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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