today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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