Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize