there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
