Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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