bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
