What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
