Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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