Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
