I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
