No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
