i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
