The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
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Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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