We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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