Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
