You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
