there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
