Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
