I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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