i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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