i jhust puked up my retainher.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
