You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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