Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
