i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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