Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
