u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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