I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
