just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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