Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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