that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
