and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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