Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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