If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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