I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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