Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
