Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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