I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
