guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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