Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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