8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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