How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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