I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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