i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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