All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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