This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
