what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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