i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
