Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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