i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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