You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
