i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
