Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
