I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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